Experiment for my future self
More than a year ago, in February 2024, I committed to sending myself a scheduled email one year in the future every Friday for a year.
It didn't last, and that's okay. I have 9 scheduled emails left, and it's only May.
Having received a bunch of these emails from my past already, it's extremely clear to me how much I've evolved in just one year.
To continue the tradition, I'm committing to Friday Thoughts on this blog, at least with what I'm comfortable sharing publicly. I'll probably miss some, and I might not publish some thoughts if I feel they don't add value for others. But I will be honest and real in what I do share.
So feel free to listen in and take what resonates.
Always + clarity + existential dread
To: Matthew
There seem to be so many absolutes in the way you and others talk—including "always" and "never"—but reality is far less clear. You have a sense you're clinging onto certainty as a way of avoiding the hard stuff of life. You think this certainty should exist "out there," and that you can come to know about it by placing your focus "out there," too. Or by analyzing the crap out of it.
But you know intuitively that the clarity is "in here."
At this moment in time, you have more questions than answers. You've been traveling for several months, and did some really cool stuff (including SCUBA - so fun!). But on this particular Friday, you're feeling existential dread.
It feels like the dread is coming from many places, but most essentially from losing a bit of clarity on what you want to do next. The last few days especially, it's felt like the universe is testing you in very overt ways: by throwing situations at you to see how you respond.
And the funny thing (hahahahaha) is, you know exactly what to do. You need to meditate. To turn inward and understand what's really going on. To feel it. Every time you do that, you emerge with clarity. And you know what comes next. So... why not now? What story are you telling yourself to avoid doing the work?
This experiment is interesting already - by writing, you're revealing some things to yourself. Bring those into your meditation! And remember: you are a fully expressed human with value to add. You show up as present and engaged, and enjoy the full range of emotions as every other person. You're an important part of a bigger project.
Love, Matthew